i love this song and, to me, it's connected with both "ludlow street" and "anniversary". this specific doorway is as "incomplete" as all the others mentioned in "ludlow street". they're all thresholds of absences. and what is absent at angel's doorway? his account "of the dust and the dirt and destruction", and "of the fires and the flesh and confusion".

but could he really utter the unutterable ("that life he can't tell")? no, that's something he's deprived of, so his doorway is also an entrance he has crossed into a place forever changed in his mind. the line that tries "to maintain the illusion" is no longer "safely drawn".

and if, in "ludlow street", in spite of, or even because of the absence, "love is the only thing [you] feel", here, at "angel's doorway", there's really no relief (which makes it the darkest song on the album), except if you think of "anniversary", the song that follows it, as the threshold into all possibilities. i myself like to think of these three songs this way.

"inside his brain, it's never the same, though he tries to maintain the illusion" 

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chance is the only thing that doesn't happen by chance

ps: it occured to me that many of suzanne's characters stand in doorways or thresholds, metaphorical ones, places of absence or confinement or transition: calypso, the queen, solitude, caspar hauser, the characters in "cracking" or in "straight lines", the characters throughout "days of open hand".

with "99.9F", when what was "private goes public", many of the characters dare to cut their "twine" and assert themselves, even the one in "bad wisdom". this theme, however, resurfaces in songs like "lolita", "headshots", "widow's walk", "penitent" or "unbound". some processes are never really finished and they take quite a long time.

 

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chance is the only thing that doesn't happen by chance

at the concert Suzanne briefly explains that the song is about a New York Police Man named Angel and that he was stationed at Ground Zero and his wife didn't like the smell of the dust and destruction on him, so basically he had to change before he got thru the doorway, in which hearing that explaination change how I listened to that song completely

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11-6-1996, 2-11-1999, 8-18-1999, 11-28-2001, 11-29-2001, 5-8-2003, 8-8-2007, 8-10-2007, 10-14-2007 & 10-15-2007

the fact that the name of this real character is angel is also very significant. it reminds me of that poem in "the passionate eye" where suzanne writes about angels and the wings on their shoulders, which is where the weight of the world can be found. angel is one of them as he carries a heavy load he can't share.

 

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chance is the only thing that doesn't happen by chance

While this song may not be as good as "Ludlow Street" and "Anniversary", at this point, I am giving it a very strong 3rd place on the album.  The stanzaic forms are tight, the way she phrases them when she sings them is really good, and the lyrics are pretty good.  But the first other Vega song that this makes me think of is, frankly, "Luka".  I know I know.  But seriously, it's all about what a person has gone through and it's all about silence and dignity.  Plus it's one of her more sonically upbeat songs.  It's catchy and it has hooks and sounds sort of upbeat, but it is also haunting, and that whole package really does well for me.

 And seriously, I have played it far more times than any other song on the album.

-M

I adore Suzanne's craft. For me it comes through with all it's strength in this song. First you have to notice, that this situation is worth a close look. And to pick the right moment, the man standing in the doorway. And than to take this particular event and form it into something that stands for more, that means so much more - in other words: to make it poetic!

milo, while i can see your point when comparing this song with "luka", there's one little detail that, to me, makes a huge difference: "luka" is sung in the first person and "angel's doorway" is sung in the third. so while in "luka" the song itself gives the character a vehicle for his "silence and dignity", as you say, and uplifts them, in "angel's doorway" the song is a narrator's account of a similar silence and dignity, because it just wasn't possible to sing this song as angel. and so, even with the upbeat tempo, angel remains by himself with "that life he can't tell", though the song, through its narration, makes us witnesses of his struggle.

 

 

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chance is the only thing that doesn't happen by chance

It happened to me the same story. I went to her concert and heard her explanation. There are still a few songs about 9-11. I think Angel's wife was pretty lucky because only the smell of ground 0 came into her life stuck to her husband's  clothes.  "He can't show what she doesn't want to know those things he's seen".  It gives me the impression that she prefered not to think about the thing (please correct me if i'm wrong!).   A luxurious situation (perhaps even insensitive), when one  thinks about the people who died inside WTC.

this is such a complex song in terms of its real characters' behavior and suzanne renders it with so much humanity. angel's wife, if anything, was too sensitive to the events of 9/11. "she knows the smell, of that life he can't tell". she *knows* what it means and, for her, it's just what she can cope with.

it's as far as she manages to go and so she creates this boundary for herself and her home. there's a very strong notion of home in this song and what it represents: a safe harbor, the unspoiled core of family life. so the act of angel undressing his working clothes before coming in is something very emotional and essential for her. 

but can angel really undress it all (the image of one trying to undress something bad is just so poignant)? can he really come home unaffected? is coming home enough for him?, in this sense: is he really at home in his skin and in his mind? and what does it take, for both of them, to be able to come home to a life that has been so drastically changed?

 

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chance is the only thing that doesn't happen by chance

I fully agree with you, Fatima (once again). And what about Angel? I am sure he needs to talk to stay insane. Not being able to come home with all his thoughts and memories will be hard for him. As you said, is it enough for him, or does he need more? I can see two people suffering from the events and sadly not being able to talk about it. So in a sense there is solitude again, standing between them. 

yes, andi, "solitude stands in the doorway": "it's a lonely time ahead" for both angel and his wife. a severe and challenging time. the fact that the song remains suspended, with no apparent outlet for the characters' emotional drama, makes it, as i pointed out in my first post, the darkest one on the album.

and yet, as milo mentioned, there's dignity in their silence, and also a sense of resilience that has always been a distinctive mark in all of suzanne's characters caught in similar situations. so, as a witness of their inner struggle, i turn to "anniversary" for the hope in all their possibilities.

 

 

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chance is the only thing that doesn't happen by chance

fatima:

so, as a witness of their inner struggle, i turn to "anniversary" for the hope in all their possibilities.

Hello Fatima, thanks for your explanation. It helps me to understand the point of view of angels' wife. It is the safety of their home what comes into play, and it is precisely what she denies to risk. I'm still not yet completely convinced. I'm not criticizing the song as itself which intends to portrait one of the many different aspects related to the tragedy, in this case the "safety of a home ". What i still cannot accept is why she leaves him alone. Okay, if the clothes are dirty and they smell "to destruction", of course leave them otside, that is not the point.  But why can't they talk about it?.
 
"what does it take, for both of them, to be able to come home to a life that has been so drastically changed?"

 Probably nothing will be enough. Maybe the acceptance of what has happened and yes, the confirmation of the existence of a home and a family.
 

 

"inside his brain, it's never the same"

hi kaspar-hauser, there are probably other explanations, this is just mine. to me, angel and his wife are still in denial of how 9/11 affected them, of how *both* were changed by it. "it hit home", suzanne sang in "vigil", and she meant it both metaphorically and literally. so they're too close to it still, and it's still too soon. they are right smack in the middle of its aftermath, but each in their own way deny it.

and they do it, to some degree unconsciously, to survive the hugeness of the tragedy and its emotional impact on them. one can't talk when one is overwhelmed by something, especially if it escapes one's understanding of it. and one can't make any sense of it when that something is still in one's face. 

angel's wife believes she can keep the tragedy away by making her husband undress the clothes that carry its smell. angel believes he can "maintain the illusion" that everything is the same within him. these beliefs are forms of denial. between them is the immensity of what happened, and their solitude and silence are as immense as their inner change (i don't think angel could make any sense of "those things he's seen", even if he had the chance to talk of "that life he can't tell"). 

the song ends here. it's my strong belief that "anniversary" is its emotional segue and relief, with all its acceptance and hope and promise.  

 

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chance is the only thing that doesn't happen by chance