Isn't there some vast universal consensus that "MacArthur Park" by Jimmy Webb contains the most awful words ever sung in the English language?

Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again

Or how about this from "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood:

I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free

Can anybody explain where this "where" comes from? Being an American is not a place, so "where" makes no sense whatsoever. You might as well as "when" or "how." He could have written 'cause or for and it would have both fit the line and made sense.

In the Eighties we had I've Been to Paradise, But I've Never Been to Me (the title alone is enough to hint at the horrrors to come), and of course, we have that old classic: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

But this, I think, is unbeatable. Please forgive me:

Muskrat, muskrat candlelight
Doin the town and doin it right
In the evenin
Its pretty pleasin

Muskrat susie, muskrat sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And sammys so skinny

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin and jingin the jango
Floatin like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love

Nibbling on bacon, chewin on cheese
Sammy says to susie honey, would you please be my missus?
And she say yes
With her kisses

And now hes ticklin her fancy
Rubbin her toes
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes
As they wriggle, and sue starts to giggle

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin and jingin the jango
Floatin like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love

If you thought that "I Say A Little Prayer For You" is bad, try the Broadway showstopper, "I Enjoy Being A Girl". Bleh! 

Also, look up "Young Girl" by Gary Pucket And The Union Gap. A message from a pedophiliac.

Or, "D.O.A." by Bloodrock. 

I won't reprint any of the lyrics here. They're just too...too...BLEH!

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"The future has a brilliant future in it."

For bad lyric how do you top this:

"Save a horse, ride a cowboy"

Well, here's another classic. I believe it's by David Brent and Foregone Conclusion (but BBC fans might be able to correct me on that). Just remember, the woman's not dead and the cowboy isn't gay:

 

Pretty girl on the hood of a Cadilac, yeah....
She’s broken down on freeway nine.
I take a look and her engine’s started,
I leave her purring and I roll on by....bye bye

Chorus:
Free love on the free love freeway,
The love is free and the freeway’s long…
I got some hot love on the hot-love highway
I ain’t going home 'cause my baby’s gone

A little while later, see a senorita,
She’s caught a flat trying to make it home,
She says “Por favor, can you pump me up?”
I say “Muchos gracias, adios. Bye Bye.”

Free love on the freelove freeway,
The love is free and the freeway’s long
I got some hot love on the hot-love highway,
Ain’t going home ‘cause my baby’s gone.

Little while later I see a cowboy crying,
“Hey buddy, what can I do?”
He says “I lived a good life, had about a thousand women.”
I said “Why the tears?”, he says “cause none of them was you.”

Free love on the free love freeway,
where the love is free and the freeway's long…
I got some hot love on the hot-love highway
I ain’t going home 'cause my baby’s gone

This is one of my favourite threads.

"Gimme dat ding

Gimme dat

Gimme gimme dat

Gimme dat ding

Gimme dat

Gimme gimme dat

Gimme dat ding

Gimme dat

Gimme gimme dat

Gimme gimme gimme dat ding."

The chorus of...you guessed it..."Gimme Dat Ding". A minor hit in the 70's and certainly a contender for the EuroVision Song Contest.

 

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"The future has a brilliant future in it."

"You're once...twice...three tiiiiiimes a lady"

 what the hell does that even mean?

For all around badness, you can't beat "Honey" (written by Bobby Russell, performed by Bobby Goldsboro).  Even when I was a kid, these lines made my stomach turn...

"See the tree, how big it's grown / But friend it hasn't been too long / It wasn't big"
"She was always young at heart / Kinda dumb and kinda smart"
"She wrecked the car and she was sad / And so afraid that I'd be mad / But what the heck?"
"One day while I was not at home/While she was there and all alone / The angels came"

and to top it all off, the first verse is repeated...Ugh.

And, just for the sake of balance, I should remind you that it was number one for 4 weeks.

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** Will sing backing vocals **

"Timothy", as performed by The Buoys. The lyrics (which I won't reprint here) tell the story of some boys who are trapped and end up eating somone named Timothy. Of course, this song launched a career spanning obscurity for the Buoys.

btw, didn't Bobby Russell write and perform the equally awful, "Saturday Morning Confusion"?

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"The future has a brilliant future in it."

Try digging up "This Pullover" by Jess Conrad.

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"...when the armies of emotion
go out to fight..."

Spagna - "I wanna be your wife"

Terrible lyrics; Full of contradictions - you get to wonder if she wants to be your wife or see you as far as possible; the video features two vampires (???) seducing each other, and the manpire looks like the Martini guy;

Finally, i personally resent this song. I was 10 years old, and with such cool guitar and a video with 2 vampires, i would sing this in front of friends without knowing the meaning (not enough english to understand  at the time what i was saying). Yelling "i wanna be your wife" became years later one of the most embarrassing moments in my life.

 

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- Are you serious?
- Yes, i am. I'm your guardian angel.
- Amazing!I've never believed in that.Am i dead?
- No. You're just hallucinating.

I like this thread. 

 Worst similie ever:  "I miss you like a child misses its blanket." - Fergie 

Wow.  I hope that did not take very long to write. 

On the flip side, I propose a new thread: profound and/or interesting lyrics found in unexpected places, even if unintentional. 

Can't help but like Christina Aguilera's "Candyman" - it's just fun.

(Sheena Easton's "Strut" comes to mind, but then I found out Prince wrote it.)

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The wind kicks up with the smell of rain
The kids are gone but the souls remain

Yes, go ahead -- start that topic, if you haven't done so already. 

I think of Kelly Clarkson, who probably didn't even write this --

"I'm gonna fly

right up to the sky

I'm gonna fly

so high-ee--ii-ee-ii"

Okay, she'll sue me, b/c I'm not sure exactly how it goes, but that;s about the gist of it.

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"Every dream has a name, and names tell your story" -- David Byrne

Ew. That reminded me of Bette Midlers' annoying "Flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....Flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..." ending to "Wind Beneath My Wings". Even she must have thought it overkill as she removed that part when singing it on Carsons' final "Tonight Show".  

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"The future has a brilliant future in it."

Warren Zevon did a semi (?) ironic (?) version of the Midler song.  A lesson in how performance changes meaning.  “God is watching us from a distance” was a line with hidden irony and darkness that he found. 

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The wind kicks up with the smell of rain
The kids are gone but the souls remain